My Top 5 Gayest Horror Films for your viewing pleasure
There are two kinds of people in this world.
People who love Halloween and are amazing and beautiful (me) and other losers who hate it and are party poopers. (My mum & boyfriend)
My mum’s great but she has this deep disregard for this holiday for some reason. I suspect it’s because packs of kids turn up to disturb her afternoon ritual of champagne and the Bold and The Beautiful.
I even recall the time she told a bunch of feral children from down the street that trespassing was a criminal offence. Forlorn faces all round, the children had their door slammed in their expectant faces – followed moments later by the sound of a champagne cork popping and mum’s witch like cackle.
No, it’s my Aunty that I have to thank for my love of the macabre. At the ripe old age of 5 she and my numerous cousins watched MA15+ Starship Troopers. The film – a dystopian, sci-fi, satire about american militarism is an endearing piece often misread for a bad action movie, but when you’re five and see the brain of the hero sucked through the proboscis of a corpulent, psychic, maggot it might have repercussions Aunty Peta.
The nightmares passed, but the fascination with the macabre continued. More so the tradition of watching tragic B grade films persists – and till this day – I rope in my poor friends to be subjected to horror classics. In celebration of all the Ooky Spooky things at The Imperial this weekend – here’s my top five gay horror movies of all time.
5. The Lost Boys (1987)
Oh sure let’s just get a bunch of boy band looking vampires to make lewd comments about the afterlife and share body fluids with each other #nothingsuss
4. The Covenant (2006)
Seriously this ones a ripper if it got anymore homo-erotic I might choke on the end of a broom handle #witchreference. Think multiple scenes of guys showering multiple times.
3. Underworld (2003)
Guys there are so many shirtless men in this – but move over. Kate Beckinsale kicking werewolf ass in a full body latex suit and high heels I’ll wait for you to try pull of this Halloween lewk okurr.
2. The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
The *claps hands* hair *claps hands* bish – The haiiiir. #iconic and yes, I know what you’re thinking and I WOULD watch a film for one wig ok?
1. The Babadook (2014)
You all knew it. He lives in a closet, and as one twitter user pointed out – he makes elaborate torture notes. They’re pop-ups for Christ’s sake. Tell me one murder ransom movie where the ransom note was pop-up? I thought so. Ergo the Babadook is extra.
(Jokes Batman Forever – The Joker has some lit as F – pop-up, ransom note – dioramas but seriously, overachiever imo and not aussie, so basically eff right off)
Now if you want to be as extra this weekend come to the Imperial and pull a lewk for HONCHO DISKO. This once a month party is up to your fake-lashes in Gothic horror, fashion – glamour. Dance yourself green as the freaks come out at midnight. Trust me judging from some of the ‘outfits’ in these movies it wouldn’t be hard to pull a look. Just whip off your shirt and say you’re a ‘witch’.
See you there with my fangs in kweens!
Written by aspiring vampire,
Count Von Kenvorthy